Our area is flush with type A go-getters who set goals and hustle to meet them. So we may be suckers for New Year’s resolutions. But while we’re achieving many of our goals—running marathons, eating healthier, advancing our careers—a sense of contentment can still elude us. What can we strive for in 2024 to make us happy?
You are already there, which is to say, here. The idea that we must arrive somewhere to reach Shangri-la both deludes and derails us—and the type A-ness of this area further fuels the myth. High-pressure jobs and schools may yield achievement and financial success, but they won’t give us or our anxious, burned-out kids lasting satisfaction. Why? Well, there’s always a bigger, better deal—whether it’s a fancier house or car, or the quest to look thinner or younger. We are chasing the wrong things.
Specifically, we tend to pursue money, power, pleasure and fame, according to Arthur Brooks, who writes about happiness for The Atlantic, teaches the subject at Harvard and was president of the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative D.C. think tank. In his latest book, Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier, he and co-author Oprah Winfrey contend that happiness, as we conceive of it—a sustained joyful frolic free of hardship—isn’t attainable or meant to be. What is? Brooks and Winfrey say it’s a mix of enjoyment and purpose acquired through faith, family, friends and meaningful work. By focusing on these so-called pillars and employing tools for more equanimity, they say we can all be happier no matter what circumstance makes happiness feel beyond our reach.
Another Brooks—D.C.-based New York Times columnist David Brooks—decries what he calls the lies of meritocracy, which value achievement and self-sufficiency and led to his own loneliness. “In the course of a career, just by drifting along and paying too much attention to the lies, you come to desire the wrong things. You desire reputation, and you come to idolize time. You value productivity over people. Instead of settling into deep relationships with people, you always have a clock in your head,” he said in a 2019 speech at Brigham Young University. The columnist, who believes building community begets happiness, shares the same sentiment as Winfrey—that the greatest gift we can give is our attention, to make others feel seen and heard.
And that’s the way to create close relationships—which, according to an 85-year Harvard study, unlock lifelong happiness. In fact, such bonds “protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes,” according to The Harvard Gazette.
In our world of distractions and traffic, to-do lists and social media, relationships matter most.
My mother, Barbara Pomerance, who passed away this year, listened so attentively that countless people emerged with stories about her recall of minute details of their lives. She built a wide and deep social network involving annual trips with dear friends. And while she acknowledged the bittersweetness of life, she focused relentlessly on the sweet. She died in peace after a life well lived.
My advice for all of us—whether you’re a MoCo mover and shaker or one of the few relaxed souls among us: Put the damn phone away. Slow down. Invest in your relationships. Consider how you can help others. And connect, in person, with the people you love. Happy New Year.
Have a question about life in Montgomery County? Ask Ms. MoCo by emailing msmoco@moco360.media.
This story appears in the November/December issue of Bethesda Magazine.